I have struggled all of my teenage life and all of my adult life so far with pornography, in fact as I write this it has been two days since I last indulged. This sin has wracked me with guilt and far more often had me passing up opportunities to be Christ to hurting people. The insidiousness of this sin is not that it turns ourselves inwards but that in turning us inwards it turns us away from Christ. At the heart of my conviction in writing this is that I am a great sinner and Christ is a great saviour, not only has he done such a great work in saving his people, but what he began in us, he will complete in us, he will make us like him and that by far is the most brilliant thing that could happen for us, there will come a time when I will be free of this struggle, whether it be in this mortal life (what I hope and pray for) or in Glory I will be free. The reason I write this, is not only to bare my complete inadequacies as a man apart from Christ, but to glorify him! The puritan divine William Gurnall in his work The Christian in Complete Armour wrote on how we should look at the sin of lust; “Soul, take thy lust, thy only lust, which is the child of thy dearest love, thy Isaac, the sin which has caused the most joy and laughter, from which thou hast promised thyself the greatest return of pleasure or profit; as ever thou lookest to see my face with comfort, lay hands on it and offer it up: pour out the blood of it before me; run the sacrificing knife of mortification into the very heart of it; and this freely, joyfully, for it is no pleasing sacrifice that is offered with a countenance cast down —and all this now, before thou hast one embrace more from it.” This is a battle that I wage upon my own flesh and I’m constantly in that place where the Apostle Paul cried out “Ah, who will release me from this body of death.” and I know just as he did, that it is our Lord Jesus Christ who has, is and will do so. I now stand having charged myself as Paul did to Timothy; “But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. I charge you in the presence of God, who gives life to all things, and of Christ Jesus, who in his testimony before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, to keep the commandment unstained and free from reproach until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which he will display at the proper time—he who is the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone has immortality, who dwells in unapproachable light, whom no one has ever seen or can see. To him be honor and eternal dominion. Amen.”
And the word from the Lord to me is now; “Be Strong and Very Courageous.”